The Sims: Heroes
by Anara Skywalker
Summary: 9 people. 1 house. What the hell will happen? Rated T for language and sexual references.
1. Character List

The Sims: Heroes

_List of Characters:_

Luke Skywalker (Star Wars): _One of the most powerful Jedi Knights of all time and a hero of the Rebellion, he is a person who loves a good joke, and will use anyone he can to get laughs out of people._

Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones): _A beloved archaeologist and a beloved hero, he is "the man with the hat," and also "the man with the drinking problem," and would much rather be left alone than live with these people._

Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park): _He is one of the top scientists in his field of chaos theory, and seems to be a bit "obsessed" with it, applying it to everything from the creation of the Earth to trying to get pickles at Wal-Mart._

Arwen (The Lord of the Rings): _An elf with an attitude, she is one of two girls in the entire house, and is pissed about that, and tends to be the center of drama involving men._

Batman (Batman): _Bruce Wayne by day, the Batman by night, he enjoys using his abilities on random people in the street and in the house, especially on a certain British spy._

Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean): _He is the famed (or infamous, depends on your opinion) pirate captain of the _Black Pearl _and is a rum fanatic and always carried around a jar of dirt._

Austin Powers (Austin Powers): _A completely insane British spy who hits on every woman he sees, and some men, and is always trying to me Bond, James Bond, but fails miserably._

Barry B. Benson (Bee Movie): _Just a small bee famous for suing the human race, Barry is now trying to become a stand-up comic, and no one seems to appreciate his jokes._

Kayley (Quest for Camelot): _A strong woman from the ages of Camelot, she doesn't take crap from anyone, and hates drama that revolves around men._

Some special guests:

Ron Burgundy, Dwight, Stephen Colbert, Santa (Hello, ho ho ho's),


	2. Go Fish

_I've been writing so much serious stuff lately, I just wanted to do something fun. What I got was this._

A large Victorian house sat on a hill located on a quiet neighborhood stretch, with about 10 cars passing through a day. The house itself seemed to not fit in with the conservative cul-de-sac. The paint (which needed to be redone badly) was a hot pink, and the trim and shudders were a neon purple. However, it was the tenets of the house that stood out the most.

"Do you have any threes?"

"Go fish."

"Oh, so just because I'm a pirate and live on a boat means that I go fishing, right?"

"No, Jack, the name of the game is 'Go Fish.' When you don't get the card you want from the other player, you have to go and 'fish' for another card from the pile."

"Oh." Jack paused. "Sorry."

"Really, it's fine." Indiana Jones took another long sip from his Scotch. He hated playing cards. "Why am I doing this again?"

"You get some of my rum if you win."

Indy nodded and continued playing cards with the drunken pirate captain. Nearby, a bored-looking Jedi Knight sat with his chin in his palm, staring at a bee hovering next to him with an uninterested gaze.

"Why is a peanut called a peanut? It's not a pea, it's not a nut. What's the deal with that?"

"I dunno, Barry." Luke sighed and shook his head. "That definitely isn't a good one, B-man." The bee let out a sigh that brought him down in the air an inch. Luke rolled his eyes and sat up. "Okay, I can teach you about being funny."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, now c'mon before I change my mind!"

The two went into the adjacent room just as Ian Malcolm walked out behind a frustrated Kayley.

"…and so it's obvious that the reign of King Arthur follows chaos theory. The evidence is right there!"

"Okay, you are a little too obsessed with that theory of yours there, Doc. Not everything relates to it."

"And here the philosophical debate begins."

"And here it ends."

She stormed away, leaving a very confused-looking Ian to wander over to the card game and watch.

"Great, the mathematician is here." Indy let out a grunt and took a drink. "Please, don't talk."

"First off, I'm a chaotician, not a mathematician. Second off, I will talk when I want to."

"Fine, just don't talk to me." The archaeologist turned back to Jack. "Do you have any fives?"

"No, sorry, go fish."

"See?" Ian lifted a finger to Indy. "No one could have predicted that. There is no pattern. Chaos theory in the flesh."

"If you love the damn thing so much, go on and marry it."

Just then, Austin Powers bust into the room with a wet spot in the front of his pants.

"Who was the guy that put my finger in a glass of warm water? Totally not cool, man. That wasn't cool at all!"

In the kitchen nearby, Luke looked at Barry.

"See? Now that's funny."

Ian opened his mouth to say something about chaos theory, but Indy punched him right in the jaw.

"Now that he finally shut the hell up, let's play cards, Jack."

"Yes, sounds good, Indy." Yeah, like he was going to disagree with a guy who could knock him out with one punch. "Do you have any tens?"

"Alright, alright, time to get the party started!" Austin rubbed his hands together, looking around at the rather dull room. "Perhaps we should get some music going in here."

He ran up the stairs to grab a record and his record-player. Arwen came in the front door, carrying a thousand or so plastic bags filled to the brim with unnecessary amounts of shoes and clothes.

"Don't worry everyone, I'm back."

No one responded. She gasped and rolled her eyes before going up the stairs to her room.

"I have 18 pairs of cards." Jack smiled smugly. "I win!"

"Oh well, your rum probably sucks anyway." Indy pushed his cards into the middle of the table. "Jack, just out of curiosity, what is in that jar that you carry?"

"Dirt." Jack picked up the jar and held it protectively to his chest. "_My _dirt."

"Okay, just wondering. Sheesh."

Indy got up with his glass of Scotch and went up to his room. Kayley came back in and sat down. She looked down at the unconscious Ian and shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care." She eyed Jack, who was hugging his jar of dirt and stroking it lovingly. "Uh…same there."

Suddenly, loud music blasted through the whole house. Austin Powers came down the stairs, walking seductively, and wearing only a bath robe. He wiggled his eyebrows at Kayley and started singing along with the music.

"If you really want me and you think I'm sexy, come, on, sugar-"

He was interrupted by a quick blow to the crotch from a mysterious dark silhouette. Batman stood up at the bottom of the stairs as the British spy rolled to his feet. Batman didn't bother looking.

"See that? He could never have stopped me. I…am…BATMAN!"

And like that, Batman jumped out the window, shattering the glass, and disappeared into the night. Kayley walked to the window and looked outside.

"This sucks. Looks like we have to replace the window…again." She shook her head. "Screw this, I'm going to bed."

She went up the stairs and to her room, slamming the door behind her. Jack was still holding his dirt when Luke and Barry walked in.

"Let me try another one of my jokes." Barry cleared his throat and buzzed up in front of the face of an annoyed Luke. "How can a one way road be one way? I mean, it's a road, so it goes two ways, in two opposite directions. What's the deal with that?"

"You would be better off with the awful peanut joke than that one."

"Okay. I'll work on some more stuff tonight."

"Sounds good, B-man. I've got to get to bed, and rest up for tomorrow."

"What's going on tomorrow?"

"More pranks, of course!"

Luke bounded up the stairs to his room. Barry buzzed outside and went to his hive. Jack was still hugging his jar of dirt. Arwen came back down in her PJ's to get a glass of water. She stepped over Austin's body with a disgusted grimace on her face.

"Ew, who forgot to take out the garbage?"

She went into the kitchen. When she came out, Austin was standing at the bottom of the staircase, with one palm pressed up against the wall, the other resting on his hips. Soft jazz led by an alto sax played in the background.

"Can I ask you a question? Do I make you…horny, baby? Do I make you randy?"

"Uh, no, you actually gross me out." She shoved him out of the way and went back upstairs. "Good night, creep."

He turned around and watched her walk up the stairs, staring at her butt. "Good night, indeed, darling."

Austin went up the stairs and shut off the music. His mission would be accomplished another night. He went to bed to rest up for more hitting on people tomorrow. Downstairs, Jack was still hugging his dirt.

"My dirt…"

Jack looked at the time: eleven o'clock. He sighed.

"Well, dirt, I guess its time for bed."

He went up the stairs, caressing his earthy companion all along the way.

Two hours later, Ian woke up with a throbbing headache.

"Ow, my head…"

He was shocked to see no one around. The chaotician sat there in a stunned silence for a moment.

"This is…odd. I am in here, thinking to myself, and talking to myself. The essence of chaos."

Ian decided to go up to bed and sleep. His dreamt about a bowl of nachos robbing a bank and being arrested by a corndog.


End file.
